I hate this part. When you realise that you do know what you actually want. I realised I just like a hamster on the running wheel. Fulfilling my master's pleasure and keep on recycling the loop. Sometimes I feel tired too. Recently too many things and event lump together. It is said to be hectic but also nothing happen at all.
Since swimming session is cancled and during weekend the swimming pool is closed. Both due to Ramadan --fasting month. No where to go. I can feel the weakness of my every single cell yelling for swimming. No help. No cure. Sometimes I only can feel the existance of myself but I am not present at all. I am not sure what am I thinking about. Oh! I actually think. This sounds silly yet the absolutely show how I feel right now. Quite lost?!?!?!?
Well, once a while I feel I am tall and great. Sometime I just really feel like a hamster. Big and small. Unexplainable depending on how you think about it. I will also frequently ask myself what for if you are busying something that you actually do not know what is it about and totally out of mine what is the purpose of doing such thing. Until you forgo your meal and break the glucose absorption cycle in your body.
Sometime I feel sorry and funny while helping others revising and editing their essay. I feel mine just like a piece of shit. Sorry again for using such harsh word. The reason behind the mirror is I feel like I am making such a meaningless and full of bloody grammatic error in front of teacher's precious red ink pen. SORRY but funny and funky. Feeling kind of symphathy about myself. I having plenty of time to do anything I want but I choose to waste it. Rolling on my bed, telling myself white lies to make things tommorrow and tommorrow which I knwo my tommorow will never come.
Yesterday, I having drawing competition. Something I have left it in the corner of cobwebs. Something I that make me feel like a stranger. I still go for it. What for? I do not know and I never want to know. Well, I saw my friend there, I met new friends there. Lots of International Student. One of the sister who I kind of fond of and amired too. She says I must try hard to make my days interesting. They praise what I draw. Ultimately, I do not agree with them. I think I draw somethin stupid and colorless just like my day. Doomsday. Dull and dry. Teach me what to add. How to revert this kind of feeling. Sad and unavoidale feeling.
In fact, there is a lot of things I want to do and want to have. Kind of materialistic. I wonder if there anything I can do with out money association. Things like I want to have a left-handed acoustic guitar, I want a whole series of HARRY POTTER and I want to finish it in one week. I want to watch endless of Japanese, Cantonese, Korean, Western movies, I want to go every single place which being laugh by others, even a comman place or unknown one. I want to go snorkling, fishing, beach, mountain climbing, ice skating, ground skating too, I want to write a journal I want eveyone to know what I am writing. I want I want I want such a egoistic maniac. KIlling myself which is stated as natural intelligent stated nicely in my Human Development text. Are you sure?
Something I cannot truely explain something I never know how to explain......loops make you go round and round like a dork.
But have you stop and ponder, sometimes going in loops gets you hoops. Life is boring, thats how people come up with funny/stupid/innovative ways to do things. (Can you swim with one hand tied to your back?)
ReplyDeleteYou drew an end of the day painting, how would you know? If it is true, then you would lead a very interesting life, as your drawings are truth. So can you draw a 4digit number for me?
Jokes aside, when you feel all down and irritated, maybe its time to spice things up, a change of room surroundings might do the trick, a new smell, a new layout.
I've heard this saying somewhere long ago, a painting never ends, there are always layers and layers to be added, the only time it ends, is when the artist gives up hope, so don't give up, from grayscale doomsday, evolve it into a meteor strike which gives you endless supply of idea.
Kindly refer to my failure blog to see more.
Hey, I try to swim one hand stick on my back before.. pretending I am a special child. The thing is school swimming pool do not operate for this month. So sad. Somemore I do really feel lonely and bored. Lolx.. Thanks for your motivaitonal words too...
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