WHAT'S WRONG WITH ME LALALA

Morning, I watching my bed. My bed watching me. Okay let's stay at each other for few moment. Then I slowly creep on my bed and sleep again. Now, next day morning 3 a.m something. Part of my world have switch off the light and deeply ZzZzzz. Me? Blogging. This is the very first time I force myself so hard just to sleep and maintain the close state of my eyes. Solution, I failed. Hate it!! Insomia. Depression stamp on me. I stamp back. Non full stop war with my sleepless night.

SOCKs-chan

She is really a great retriver. Will you always be in my heart and give me the power of love.

10 promises:

1. Listen to me patiently
2. Trust me. I will always by your side
3. Play with me a lot
4. Don't forget that I have feeling too
5. Let's never fight
6. If I don't obey you, I have a good reason.
7. You have school and friends, but I only have you.
8. Stay my best firend we must get along together.
9. I will only live for 10 years, let's make every moment count, every moment together.
10. Never forget our life, when my time come, please stay by my side.
    

Lovely Night~

Steal the night

Kill the lights

Feel it under your skin

Time is right

Keep it tight

Cause it's pulling you in

Wrap it up

Can't stop cause it feels like an overdose

[Cascada's song]

You are right I am crazy. I am overdose a kind of isotonic drink.

I am not sure what goes wrong with me. But it is a norm for my brother

and sister. lol. Thanks again wonderful night which I wish to be anyhow longer

to be just -- inside the car and talking around.

Another crazy incident is I eat a lot today. Guess yesterday too~

Sushi, "Kuih", Porridge...etc.

Well, I am not sure what's wrong with my tummy too

ask him no I mean her... no no it?? do not know.

How to you refer to your tummy?

Hahahaha...

mY tummY learns..~ Ghee

Four days no rice or flour. Ding~ FOUR DAY PASS>> Whoo, my lunch is kind of disgusting but still manage to swallow two plate of rice. I spent RM4.50 for the rice. =.= Err addition with flies as backgound. Not sure whether the flies stop on my dishes for how many time. Sorry, I am not purposely make you feel like puke. Just. Hard. but. my. hunger.carve.

Secondly, night time hehe. Compliment for Bro Sheridan. The spaghetti he cooks really nice ^^ ehhee.. best homecook dishes. Hphm first dishes actually. Hehe. Standing ovation for you. Hoho. Thanks thanks. Looking forward to porridge as promised by my sister. Yeaww!

I know I know actually I NEVER KNOW

Freakkkkk.. sorry I ma a bit crazy right now. Have you ever stay inside a room for four days without going outside the world? That kind of feeling is damn so >.<#%^*^&^. See how undescripable. Even sound like torturing yourself. The city is in a low tune piece. Yet my room is surrounded by inhumanity people. They talk in the high pitch and laugh like mad. So, I got to join them? Or I refuse and force myself to sleep. For the second condition I try hard, the harder I try the deadly am I. As the more I force the louder they are or when I finally got the peace and smile back, they started again. Okay, since I am the minority so I keep my profile low.

Sometimes I mean during this four days I grow to be a bit patient. Why do I say so? Well, for the first day, I smash on the wall, pretty bad wall, cause sound proof. Suck, the door too. I think if I am not careful enough I can break the wall. When somebody pass by my room, I shout, SHUT UP! YOU ... but I do not think they understand human language. Alien guess so! They laugh at me.. maybe I am funny enough. Hpmh, ok ok bad though come, Shooo shooo.. ermm.. they are good for some, they wake up late for sometimes which I cherish that few hours which is totally absolute no sound. Haha. Traquility that you ever miss and lovely weather.

For some, about my previous blog, I said that I want to walk around. Hardly, cause I keep on stick on my room. I sleep, sleep and sleep, surf the net like zombies, play games like a maniac, just kind of yarn due to depression. Suddenly feel like a dog, a golden retriver who is locked in a room for 4 days, desperated to open the door but can't. [no fingers] who nearly die of hunger and dehydrated. Just the saliva which keep on cycle like a loop on Friday. Who cares! I live.

Another incident is I finally call back home. First time I think, nothing to do, just look at nothing and emptiness look back at me. Mama keep on telling me this and that and ask me how HOW HOW? Please, I do not know the answer. Phone to my sister, ... come let's get out of the room? Don't want. What you eat? Rubbish! Suddenly realise that it is better to keep me busy I like the feeling of being someone on purpose and never end purposes like a workaholic of the world. I am not stress but keep me free of stress I FEEL STRESS! haha.. Weird kind of person am I. I need work to keep though negative though away, though now I undergo feel depression but still not touching things like homiside, drugs or suicide. Stupid and foolish actions.

NOW I want to break the loop go out of it. I do not want to be the hamster. @@

This is exactly what I want

Lakewater acoustic AIMING for it.

I am not sure about the price. What I know is the quality is quite good.

Finger friendly and durable.

Cute lil doggy, I do not have the experience about raring a dog.

Just like having a child. Proper care and dialy exercise is need by golden retriver.

Love them.

I'ma Free~

I am free. Free from pollution free from the prison. Woooo.. Wow, so touched to found this piece.

What? guess if you are me you will understand why I ma so happy.

It is true. When you look on the ceiling of your room.

People are going forward.

Preserved State Karen

When Malay's Raya Celebration meets my study week. I have more privilage to be absolutely preserved at home. The most travelled only my room size. I will sleep, online, eat, sleep, etc. Deja Vu. I know it is very harzardous to my health. So, I need to make something to make myself travel more. No activity right now. Until term break and coming sem. ^^ Looking forward to it. As my parents will be first time visiting me somesort so called my "oversea university, accomodation, and everything I involved". Well, I will be welcoming my second semester soon, new faces, new room, new air conditinal, new white board, new chair, new lecture, new concept and new me. Haha.

Goodie goodie, I must appreciate my FOSEE year more. As this is the last year of my Sis and Bro who always be the first and only one to bring me around. So, let's rocks for this year. Sure and the following year. I want to explore this piece of Malaysia part for so long. Now here I come so need to travel everytime if I got the chance. Besides, something shock crush me. My mum suggests me to travel and entire turely first time I heard she said that: SINCE YOU LIKE OVERSEAS SO MUCH, WHY DON'T YOU GO AND PERSUE YOUR DREAM FOR NEXT YEAR. All of the sudden, the crikets sings and angel ALELUYAH~ . Well, yea I agreed this is what I want, till I come to here and settle for my new life in west Malaysia, I guess I will stick to here and develop more before I proceed.

I know I can go if I want to. It is really a good chance for me to get my passport and swim further. I know among my family I am the only one who never go further than Malaysia. The furthest still Penang, the food heaven, Tsunami hell. Okay, the nearest one Singapore. I do not even step on it. Fly across? I don't think so. The number of my travelling can be clearly present using my long plumb fingers. I am not ashamed of it, not to say I am poor, I am contented with what I have to travel around. Still remember, during my secondary year, guess is third grade, I keep on showing off said that I want to go overseas after my high school year. Still, I am still here.

My weakness is my English, now it is again English. Guess, I will finish my studies here in at least get a degree before I proceed. I know time is not a problem even if I go overseas right now. Everything will start over again, I need to suit the food, weather, people slang, transportation problem, understanding problem [everything is in foreign language], suit the currency there, limited physcial activity, not sure about it as I never do any research about it. I do not have any host family there even to say my sibling. Only one sista in England, still I do not want to bring any distrubance to them. I hope to be on my on. In foreign country to start off, I think I will surely need to have at least friends or family.

Okay, let's stop here. More and more will be pop up and my decision will be on the edge of the sharp pointed plank if I do not stop this.

Somewhere Sunway

Today right after my class, I go and eat noodles at my school's food court. I turn out to be dizzy and uncomfortable. Not to say I food poison but I do not suit the food I eat. I guess so. First, my heart beat increase tremendously, followed by seeing bright bright stars swirling where ever focus I bring myself to. I cannot really think at all, even the direction I should be going. I don't feel my body is mine. Quicky go and fine something sweet to drink. Hope it helps. Who knows after queching whole tin. I just realise low sugar. WT... -.- still feel dizzy.

Second possibility is my housemates rocks till late night actually till morning, I still cannot force myself to sleep properly. They shout like house on fire just to watch football match -.- The volume really remind me that my ear still works.

Then I call up my sista, luckily they bring me to somewhere haha. Well, I manage to lie on a soft toy while inside the car. My breathing still so uncoherent. Follow by the first station, pet shop. OMG impressive hamster, damn so cute. Which make you speechless. I put my finger back and fro infront of the small glass box, the hamster followed mine. Then when I suddenly redraw my hand. He over speed plunge into the water container. Hahahah so cute ... hehehe sometimes really willing to watch him or her [hamster] doing anything silly. Such a great remedy. Planning to rear golden retriver or cat. Playing my guitar [imagine] and enjoying my life. Think too much. But I doesn't mean it totally out of possiblity. Right?

Then, task B fill up my sista and bro tummy. I manage grab cold drink here. Here haha, I got my power back and overt. Make me laughing like crazy and just because of small issues. Guess if I am looking on the mirror I will be slapping myself. True true. We go sunway right after, ...here I got this...which make me WOOO WAAA HAHAHAH AAAAA... guitar collection. OMG OMG.

Variety of choices. Hope I can be the customer here.


Come across a SHIFU live making mooncake.
Know what, before entering the shopping mall I keep nagging my sister
that I want to eat BING PI YUE BING. Here Bing~* hehe
Since they offered us to try, I do... hehehe nice nice nice NICE!!
THUMB UP. The problem is I am eating ice cream at the same time
so the taste fade a bit.
SUre come to SUNWAY sure must SHOP !@


Tada dunno where am I focus on.

Must show this cause last time I went to IPOH with both of my parents

I eat this. IPOH still the best. The taste here not bad but still I prefer IPOH one

I think maybe just because of the soya sause.

We chat a lot here, watching tv, lauging like bugs, from the torrent rain starts till it ends.

See, how wonderful things can go. Nice to meet up with Bros and Sis. They are really nice

people who you will regret if you don't meet them.

LOVE~ I WANNA I WANNA touch you, you wanna touch me too~

Ahha funny lyrics. Still love it. Let's call it a day.

...........Tired x Smell x Oily face x fun x happy...........

I wonder ...

My yesterday guest
6 of his friends visit me before. All rest in peace.

NOT to mention bettle even ladybird laid on my table.

Most speechless insect with no cognitive instict. They now how to get in

but never know the way to get out just simple hide in a pail.

They visit me very often, I think they are sent by God to train my heart.

Boost up my courage to face this small things yet scary. Not bad

though I am relieve only when they are dead.

Patience Checklist

I wander how much patience do I have. Well, today, I have an appointment with someone. We deal to meet each other at two. Again, I wait her for one hour, till someone asking me to call her up. Things is she leave without bringing her mobile phone. She does all these purposely? No idea. Right after an hour, she didn't seem to be shocked or anything, she just says I have no time now.. I am late now for other event. Oh yea, you are totally late. Fine, fine, be patient. Stay calm. I just shy away, cause if I complaining about something I always lose and I will distrub someone who is gentlement and kind hearted. Bless him, hope his injuries is under speedy recovery.

Secondly, let me ask you a quesiton. Will you lend your money to a totally stranger and someone who is foriegn? I did. I am not sure why I did. Someone say concentrated on what you have but not what you miss. The question is, the things I have is money, the things I miss is also money. How does it works? I will go on and on like a loop. I bet some foriegner have totally no idea how hard I try to save money for a guitar, and here you go. She said she need it. Then after few moment, she turns to a guy beside me and borrow somemore. =.= SHE never mention about return. So is it their culture? Too rich or too poor I can't say. Patience. Smile girl. I have to be so. Try hard but most of the time I fail. Treat as I donate to charity, I bring fame to my country, I pick up someones note and etc.

Still, when you are about to settle down. Breathe then another problem pops up again. Someone who is so so.. so... well, try to judge him and her another way. Well, in case I am not hurt everythings is ok. Now I am totally a mess. Good grief.

Go Green

Hohoho, my best lunch ever. Simple and green. Just kind of oily though. I grow to love lady fingers just a while. Still it depends on how it was cooked. lolx. Well, I have just backstep my very title. As you can see, I used polysteneS. HAha. Well, just noted, I will bring my own container another time. If can I do really wish I can cook.

Childhood recall

This songs recall my childhood. The moment when I got to share my room with my brother. I have the privilege of listening to radio and CD as the radio and amplifier is situated in my room. I always like to scavange my brother's CD. One of the songs is 陳小春-女人不該讓男人太累. I do really like to listen to all these old songs. His songs really nice. No matter how many time I listen to it I never feel annoyed. I miss my childhood. Time really flies like turning pages of dictionary.

熬夜

就在最近这几天
我总是发呆老半天
盘旋在脑海中不去的是你的话语和难忘的笑脸
就在最近这几天
离开学校的日子很空闲
我总是有事没事就温习过去
还有从看我们的照片 飞呀。
时间为何那么快的不见
一起欢笑一起流泪的日子，
将这记念点缀成美丽的画面 飞呀，
我请月光洒在我的身边
我将学习如何去思念，
我将熬夜会为这几年日记每一面 我曾经为你熬夜。
只为了做你那生日卡片。
一起熬夜一起准备明天的测验
过了今天也许只能说再见
能不能在次陪我熬夜聊天
为你熬夜帮你录下你最爱的影片
一起熬夜一起在网上费话连篇
过了很多天我们熬过多少夜
就让我唱这一首歌。
请陪我熬夜到明天 飞呀。
时间为何那么快的不见
一起欢笑一起流泪的日子，
将这记念点缀成美丽的画面 飞呀，
我请月光洒在我的身边
我将学习如何去思念，
我将熬夜会为这几年日记每一面
我曾经为你熬夜。
只为了做你那生日卡片。
一起熬夜一起准备明天的测验
过了今天也许只能说再见
能不能在次陪我熬夜聊天
为你熬夜帮你录下你最爱的影片
一起熬夜一起在网上费话连篇
过了很多天我们熬过多少夜
就让我唱这一首歌。
请陪我熬夜到明天 嘿依也
请陪我熬夜到明天 呼wu

this is the songs which I like the most and the a meaningful songs to me

Scavenger

Yea it's me !! This is the first time I can't find anything to eat. I walk till a Uranian shop, guess what I do not understand the menu with long long words which linked together. So, I give up to eat. There is no others shop. I end up buying an ice cream just to fill up my tummy.

I must said that the corn of the ice cream is not crispy at all. Luckily, my SOS reached my sister and Bro She. End up they bring me out to have something overt nutritious haha. Gardfield meal~ Lasagna. ^^ Nice.

Miracle Pops Day

The reason I uploaded this few pictures as it strongly linked to what had happened to me

this morning. When I am on the way to school, as usual, I got to pass few roads, and hills to reach my destination. Today, when I was about to cross the road, (I always think that the

road I gonna cross seldom got car pass by) so I only noted two car from the left. BUt I didn't noted the right side. So, here I walk and white MYVI appeared on my right.

Before I can react, I am not sure what am I doing too. I want to carry my legs forward but I

just froze at the spot. Wait for death call?

Luckily there is no car coming anymore from the left. The myvi swift to left side and go.

OMG! Thanks! Guess if not I might sit on the chair with wheeels for my whole life

Or

Became vegetable~

Not kidding

I am greatful!! That I live and live forever!!

I don't even have time to cry if I got into this accident.

There is still 5 years to go to complete my dangerous course!

Another incident to be clarified as miracle is that I do not know my coursemate well.

When he approach me, kind of shock, and need to process a while,

only I decided to help him. (IS student)

Secondly, again the foreign student that I admired the most

approach to ask for minor aid. Wow,

first I appreciate it as it is my pleasure

another persismistic thinking is that

they treat me as ONE STOP CENTER HUH?

Blissful

Today's lesson, I successfully done so call headstand posture. The condition is I need someone to help me to position my leg on the wall and when I want to come down. Besides, my tutor notices that my legs turn pale when I get up. Overall, I don't feel too pressure but my legs feel numb.

Advices from my tutor: I HAVE A BAD BLOOD CIRCULATION. I often have joint paint. BINGO! Try to do more, there must be someone watch over you. As I may get faint without my own conciousness. Any suggestion to improve blood circulation? Personally I do not feel like touching any medication stuff but I want to do it naturally.

Secret between you and me

Japanese Vege Sato

RM12.50

Oreo Cheese

PS: Not nice as what I imagine.

Mango Delight

PS: I only feel delight on the fresh cream mix with fruit part.

Choco Indulgence

PS: So sweet.. I mean really too sweet.

Well, the list on top is the order of me and my friend, Cai Huan. Sure, I eat a lot till it floods my mind. I feel dizzy now. I might be having too nutritious food for this afternoon. Blurp~* My recommeded menu is the one on top. My order, Japanese Vege Sato, apart from looking at the price, the taste is damn good and the chilli is nice. I miss the vege noodle ...

Having this meal is to celebrate we are going to second semester soon. My first second semester. I kind of suit and like this school more. To have semester change and timetable too. If I still staying in the old nest I might have to stick to the old timetable which last for one year and -everyday I got to wait for my never-come-to-pick-up uncle to pick me up. And guess my ego will spoilt my result. Forgo about it. Let's celebrate~

Live on, live on forever..

Do you feel like want to check whether your tear gland is functioning or not

you may try this movie.

Remember to prepare a toilet roll.

In this movie, she presents the cast pretty well.
Successfully touched my heart.
Someone who is just entering her critical life stage,
she is chosen to suffer from a neuron disease.
It is incurable. To get this kind of disease it is not unlucky,
just a bit unconvinience.
Never run away from your weakness and your problem.
Face it, appreciate all the time you have,
smile to those who are warm hearted always help you.
Never care about how others look at you.
You are you yourself.


Try hard to do something that can help others.

Haruto-kun desu

Atashinchi-no-Danshi keep you hahahah-ing

Chisato Mineta

20 years old. Chisato lost her mother to illness at a young age. Her father, an impulsive gambler, has disappeared, leaving her with a 100 million Yen debt. After marrying Shinzo Okura, she becomes the stepmother of his six sons. Over time, she comes to get along with all six sons, but later discovers that she is actually Shinzo's daughter and that she was never legally his wife. Chisato seems to have a crush on Sho Okura after episode 7.

First son-
Fū Ōkura 大蔵 風

30-years-old. The first son, Fū is a free person, but unemployed. His real father is Shinzo Okura. His mother was a hostess at a bar, so his father could not publicly reveal that Fū was his son. At one point, Fū wanted Chisato to become his girlfriend, but the real purpose of it was to keep his many girlfriends at bay. He has fifty different licenses, including one for boxing. It is revealed that Fū knew all along that Chisato was Shinzo's daughter and his half-sister.

Second Son

Takeru Ōkura 大蔵 猛

27 years old. The second son, Takeru is a member of a delinquent bike gang, yet is kind-hearted. When Chisato was being bullied by kids inside of her tent, Takeru came to her rescue, albeit not knowing it was Chisato he was helping at the time. Originally, Takeru believed that his father wanted him to become Shinzo's son so that Takeru could inherit money and send it to his father, but in time, it becomes apparent that was not the real reason why Takeru's father sent him to the Okura household.

Sho Ōkura 大蔵 翔
25 years old. The third son, Sho works as a host who moves from establishment to establishment to maintain his status as number one host based on his outward appearance and his conversational abilities. Initially living outside the Ōkura household, he cares for Riki, his son, and works as door-to-door salesman at day and as host in night. He is the mastermind of the Ōkura brothers

Masaru Ōkura 大蔵 優
22 years old. The fourth son, Masaru is the charismatic model of an exclusive magazine. He is very popular among the ladies, but something in his past caused him to have a phobia of women. Because his parents died after rescuing from a fire when he went in to retrieve a toy, he believes that he killed them. His sister also survived. Masaru develops feelings toward Chisato after curing his phobia of women

Satoru Ōkura 大蔵 智
17 years old. The fifth son, Satoru is a high school student and seems to be one of the most aggressive brothers. At a young age, he was marked as a genius magician, but because of something in his past, he locked himself up in his room for a year. Eventually, Chisato lured him outside, and after a few episodes, he started to develop feelings for her.

Akira Ōkura 大蔵 明
12 years old. The sixth son. He is extremely intelligent and has no interest in the family inheritance because he makes plenty of money via the stock market. He always falls asleep at exactly nine P.M. In one episode, he entered a contest so that his mom could find him on her birthday. Although she was able to see him on television, his mom was leaving Japan and could not meet him. He is the only one of the six sons who actually feels Chisato is his mother, as proven by his shock upon learning that she was never actually married to Shinzo

Overall,

I guess I like the third son the most.
He is daring to confess his relationship, warm and family centered guy.

He strongly believe in his family member and also

those who taking care of him before.

Mother of ABC

Adorable family

This is the first time I pick up lady's motivational book. The content really vows me. I adore you Joan. She is enjoying her middle adulthood with 7 beloved kids. Have you ever come across the "GOOD MORNING AMERICA" ? She hosts it. Believe or not.

She denifies life as a teeter totter. It is only the way of how you judge it. Wow, so relaxing and making me keep an eyes on each of every line again and again. It is definately easy to read, I spent 3 hours to finish it. Within this three hours she seems like talking to me, dating with me and I feel like marrying it. Such a great woman and mother she is. She uses words which continuously dancing in my mind and humoring me. It makes me laugh, though in library I try to smile only.

Recipe inside including smile always. Laugh is the cheapest medicine. True. And I forget a university which has done an experiment on student. Students are requested to smile for one hour. High percentage that those students are going to have good mood thoroughout the following hour. [Nodding..] Your makeup will never be complete without a smile. ^^

Hah, I found this damn so funny

[My husband said he need more space, so I locked him outside.]

wahahha.. whenever I close the book and recall the things she said. There is probably a smile paint on my face. My heart giggling due to the vibration of my tummy (laughing) hahaa...

Back to my topic. You may be wondering why I wrote the mother of ABC. Well, first of all, she is the hosted ABC before. Secondly here motto: Accept that change is inevitable. Believe that you can create miracle that change your life. Commit to being flexible.

Thanks of lighting up my soul. Though it just a little while you are the first one who successfully motivate and touch my heart at the same time. I love Joan Lunden. I wish I could meet her once in mylife. ^^

I do not know and I never want to know

I hate this part. When you realise that you do know what you actually want. I realised I just like a hamster on the running wheel. Fulfilling my master's pleasure and keep on recycling the loop. Sometimes I feel tired too. Recently too many things and event lump together. It is said to be hectic but also nothing happen at all.

Since swimming session is cancled and during weekend the swimming pool is closed. Both due to Ramadan --fasting month. No where to go. I can feel the weakness of my every single cell yelling for swimming. No help. No cure. Sometimes I only can feel the existance of myself but I am not present at all. I am not sure what am I thinking about. Oh! I actually think. This sounds silly yet the absolutely show how I feel right now. Quite lost?!?!?!?

Well, once a while I feel I am tall and great. Sometime I just really feel like a hamster. Big and small. Unexplainable depending on how you think about it. I will also frequently ask myself what for if you are busying something that you actually do not know what is it about and totally out of mine what is the purpose of doing such thing. Until you forgo your meal and break the glucose absorption cycle in your body.

Sometime I feel sorry and funny while helping others revising and editing their essay. I feel mine just like a piece of shit. Sorry again for using such harsh word. The reason behind the mirror is I feel like I am making such a meaningless and full of bloody grammatic error in front of teacher's precious red ink pen. SORRY but funny and funky. Feeling kind of symphathy about myself. I having plenty of time to do anything I want but I choose to waste it. Rolling on my bed, telling myself white lies to make things tommorrow and tommorrow which I knwo my tommorow will never come.

Yesterday, I having drawing competition. Something I have left it in the corner of cobwebs. Something I that make me feel like a stranger. I still go for it. What for? I do not know and I never want to know. Well, I saw my friend there, I met new friends there. Lots of International Student. One of the sister who I kind of fond of and amired too. She says I must try hard to make my days interesting. They praise what I draw. Ultimately, I do not agree with them. I think I draw somethin stupid and colorless just like my day. Doomsday. Dull and dry. Teach me what to add. How to revert this kind of feeling. Sad and unavoidale feeling.

In fact, there is a lot of things I want to do and want to have. Kind of materialistic. I wonder if there anything I can do with out money association. Things like I want to have a left-handed acoustic guitar, I want a whole series of HARRY POTTER and I want to finish it in one week. I want to watch endless of Japanese, Cantonese, Korean, Western movies, I want to go every single place which being laugh by others, even a comman place or unknown one. I want to go snorkling, fishing, beach, mountain climbing, ice skating, ground skating too, I want to write a journal I want eveyone to know what I am writing. I want I want I want such a egoistic maniac. KIlling myself which is stated as natural intelligent stated nicely in my Human Development text. Are you sure?

Something I cannot truely explain something I never know how to explain......loops make you go round and round like a dork.