Friends

Recently something keep bothering me. Actually not. I'm just keep searching for the balance of my relationship. Tuning from friends to lover and back to friends. Perhaps that is the answer I really want. I try my best to listen to my heart. My soul. Yes I having dilemma cause I hear some nuisance signal too. Devil and angel everywhere. Come and go and drop you a message of yes and no. I'm relieve that I have finally make a decision which I usually don't.

I find time thinking, a bad excuse of my life. I skip my studies and exercise. I just sleep and think, think and sleep. Kind of procrastinator. Sometime I feel like escape but the fact is I am running away from myself. Well, a friend doesn't sounds too wrong or too bad. We might feel strange at first but we can manage well when time goes on. If you believe in friendship. Friends sounds simple and innocent. It keeps you young and happy all the time. It appears to be when you really need it.

I am just too individualistic. Ever heard this term? I never care so much until now. I scare of loneliness also crowd. So you may be asking me, so which one are you really in. Depends. But most of all my possibilities still topple on the crowd side. I like to be myself and only myself. Feel so free that I can feel the will. Well, I grow up and I grow old. It's my wisdom not me. I need to be more responsibility on myself. I opt to. I am no more a kids who keep peeping out the window pane and pondering over the appearance of mum and dad. No more a teenagers who cry for misunderstanding. No more a stubborn girl who knocks her head again and again the wall which never breaks. I bleed, I cry, I learn and I grow. Breathe through the world and breathe through the words. It is tough and make you break. But be strong.

Stepping on the a-lined rocks counting one two three is boring and tedium. What about a friend. Yes maybe i need to make more friends. Life just too bored without friends. Where goes my spirit? Whack! @.@